Pakistani Gay community slowly breaking barriers
Homosexuality is still taboo in Pakistan, and the dialogue surrounding this topic is very much muted. The thought of engaging in any form of constructive conversation at any level is perhaps just slightly less absurd than actually engaging in homosexual acts itself. For the religious leaders of Pakistan, homosexuality is less about one exercising their right of civil liberty, and more about exercising power — who instead condemn it as being a means of western corruption and propaganda. Pakistan has two extreme sides to it — A land of fundamentalist Islam, where children are gunned down in schools and women are not allowed to leave the house without a mehram; to liberal socialists, where drinking alcohol and consuming drugs is the norm.
Underground parties, group sex under the bridges and “marriages of convenience” are very common here. Under the façade of social conformity, is a buzzing life of same sex activities.
“As far as I have seen it homosexuality is not opposed, people have the live and let live mentality here,” according to a gay man from Islamabad. It’s easy for gay men to camouflage their relationships in public because public affection is very common here.
Ahmed* says, the gay scene in Islamabad is very big, there are invitation only parties where you can be honest about your sexuality but it’s very exclusive. Ahmed* decided to stop “living in the shadows” and came out to his parents. His father eventually understood, but this affected his social circle. He says, “… eventually everything went back to normal for me as I am a boy, it’s easier for us.”
At any given time there are thousands of gay men online on dating apps such as Grindr, says Ahmed*. Different social groups use different ways to meet, lower class mostly meet in parking lots, parks or other public areas. Upper class men like to meet through online platforms such as Facebook, Grindr and Manjam.
Ahmed* says that “Everyone in Pakistan wants the opposite sexes to marry. This results in people living double lives and most marriages end up being marriages of convenience, and unfortunately the wives know that too. In fact, many of them are open to their husbands having same gender sex.
“Many families are not as understanding as mine”, says Ahmed. He quotes one incident that occurred in a village, “Two men were caught having sex in the fields by a police officer. The family asked them to let the matter be, but the police officer did not listen, so the family asked him to change one detail — to write in the report that their son instigated the act. For them, their son being passive would have been more shameful.” Being the one on the top seems more “macho” or super straight.
In the end Ahmed* says, “It’s better for us to hide our sexuality because we can’t be as vocal as the western gays as we do not want to pick a fight we know we can’t win.”
Under General Muhammad Zia-Ul-Haq’s tenure, as Pakistan’s president in the 1980’s, the rules against LGBTQ+ community stiffened. The punishment for homosexual activities increased to life imprisonment or even death by stoning. In accordance with Islamic Law, same sex marriage is condemned and is illegal. People in Pakistan who consider themselves to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community do not show their sexuality in fear of being ridiculed. Despite the fact that only 2 percent of the whole of Pakistan accepts the gay community, it is in the top 10 percent in the world to watch gay porn. According to the PEW Research Centre the “Islamic conservatives” are majority of the people who watch it.
Even though Pakistan has made promises with the international community to improve the quality of life of its citizens, unfortunately our community, especially the “so-called religious leaders” are the basic hurdle between the gay community and their rights. Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) Article 25 contends that states must also take action to ensure that all citizens enjoy an adequate standard of living, but Pakistan is not fulfilling its promises.
It may take an entire generation for change to take place; but for now it is easier for the Pakistani society to look the other way and avoid the conversation altogether, rather than being complacent to something so controversial.
*name of the contributor has been changed to protect his identity.
